


(can i be close to you?)

by astrxd



Series: won't you fly with me? [1]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Post-HTTYD, Tumblr request, hiccup gets a lil bit... self-deprecating, sort of a first "i love you" story, v early hiccstrid!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-05 02:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17910443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrxd/pseuds/astrxd
Summary: She was used to being the one who initiated the physical contact between them, whether it was just brushed shoulders or a kiss on the cheek or a hug. It wasn’t like Astrid was unhappy with the pace of their relationship, seeing as there were still a bunch of boundaries that needed to be drawn and waters that needed to be tested, but… Whenever Hiccup was the one to reach out, the places he touched turned into epicenters of little tremors and lightning bolts crackled through her veins and made her heart skip a beat.And, as foreign and unfamiliar as it was, it was nice.[tumblr request; a story in Astrid's point of view as Hiccup grows more comfortable with initiating casual intimacy, proposes his idea to map the world, and asks her to help.]





	(can i be close to you?)

**Author's Note:**

> [full tumblr request: "Hey I’m just another anon who stumbles across your tumblr and fell in love with your drabbles, so I thought why not request one. Could you write a one shot about Hiccstrid at the beginning of their relationship in Astrid’s POV, and getting super excited every time Hiccup would hold her hand or touch her at all in whatever small way, finally super happy about the reminders that they’re not “just friends” anymore? Thank you so much!!!]
> 
> title drawn from the song "bloom" by the paper kites! <3 kudos and comments are appreciated -- and my tumblr ask box is always open if you wanna drop in some other thoughts!! thank you! xxx

One of the first times that Astrid really noticed _it_ was when Hiccup and Toothless came leaping, bounding towards her while she was grooming Stormfly.

It was a pleasant afternoon; sunny, relatively warm (for Berk), blue skies, wisps of clouds hanging on the horizon. Astrid soon had to give up on trying to get the grime out from between her dragon’s crown of spines, however, because as soon as Toothless was in sight, the Deadly Nadder couldn’t bear to stay still for a moment longer. With a sigh, she backed off -- and the moment she did, Stormfly basically throttled Toothless, squawking and trilling as she approached.

(It was a good thing that Hiccup had already dismounted, what with the way the two dragons immediately started circling and jumping.)

“Astrid!” He called out to her, sporting this… This broad, lopsided, _bright_ grin that made her heart do funny things in her chest.

Since Berk had become properly, if not almost fully, integrated with dragons, Hiccup’s stress about making things work around the village gave way to a noticeable new joy. The seemingly ever-present crease between his brow had smoothed out, the shadows of sleepless nights that were swooping under his eyes faded -- he was happier. She could tell, in the same way that she had been able to tell how hard he’d been working to acclimate both Vikings and dragons to their new neighbors. There was still a lot more work to do, but…

They were getting there. And she was just glad that he was finally taking a break from trying to shoulder the weight of the village on his own.

Maybe he didn’t see it in himself, but Astrid did: he was going to be one of the greatest chiefs in the history of Berk. When she looked at him, she saw somebody intelligent, somebody with a huge heart, somebody who she was _proud_ to stand beside -- and also call her boyfriend. Seeing him now, Astrid sighed and smiled and walked forward to meet him halfway. Because that’s just how they did things.

“Astrid! Astrid. Hey,” he exhaled, breathless and glowing, when they finally stood toe to toe. In one of his hands, he held a large scroll of parchment and a narrow drawstring satchel that she could only imagine held sticks of charcoal. Astrid set her hands on her hips and looked up at him with a curious quirk of her brow. Recently, Hiccup had surpassed her in height -- he shot up in a sudden growth spurt, and though he’d gone through a level of Hel of trying to adjust his prosthetic, it left him with a few new inches on her.

“Hey yourself.” She nodded, lips curling into a suspicious smile. “What’ve you got there? Planning a new project? Drawing up some new contraptions?”

“Well… Not exactly.” He looked sheepish. Astrid has managed to pin down many of his tics and tells, and averting his gaze was one of the ones that said ‘I’m probably either overthinking or this situation is new and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to respond.’ He didn’t need to be urged to continue, though -- Astrid opened her mouth to press the matter, but before she could utter a syllable, Hiccup met her eye again. “It’s a project, but a--say, uh, a different. Kind of project.”

She snorted. Boy, could he be cryptic about his thoughts sometimes. It was fine, though, because Astrid liked a challenge -- she liked having to think, and that’s exactly what he made her do. “Okay, good to know. And are you going to tell me about it, or should I guess?”

Hiccup smiled. “Mm. You trying to guess sounds interesting, but it might take awhile and daylight is precious,” he responded… Just as he reached out to take her hand. His fingers slipped around hers and squeezed--

\--and Astrid was taken off-guard. If only just a little bit.

She was used to being the one who initiated the physical contact between them, whether it was just brushed shoulders or a kiss on the cheek or a hug. It wasn’t like Astrid was unhappy with the pace of their relationship, seeing as there were still a bunch of boundaries that needed to be drawn and waters that needed to be tested, but… Whenever Hiccup was the one to reach out, the places he touched turned into epicenters of little tremors and lightning bolts crackled through her veins and made her heart skip a beat.

And, as foreign and unfamiliar as it was, it was nice.

When they first started dating, Hiccup was timid -- reasonably so, but still. After a while, she’d gotten worried about whether or not he actually wanted her advances, except they cleared that up with a much needed conversation. And now? Now, he was doing things like casually reaching out and holding her hand.

She felt like it was her turn to be in his shoes. Initially, Hiccup expressed how he just felt like things were different -- a good different, but different all the same, so he needed time to adjust. Astrid wholly understood then, though now she was beginning to understand how much ‘adjusting’ was really necessary when it came to receiving physical intimacy. She wasn’t used to gentle touches and caressed cheeks, but she quickly grew to like expressing her feelings with them when words failed her. With the tables turned, however, things were a little different.

(A good different, but different all the same. Just like he said.)

“--and I know, I know it sounds crazy. It’s a huge undertaking and it’ll take forever to make some real ground, but I want you to be part of it and, I, and I just… Uh. Astrid? Hey, are you okay?”

His thumb skated over her knuckles, effectively drawing her back to the present. Astrid’s eyes snapped up from their hands and back to his face -- she found his brows knitted in concern, framing green eyes that were just swimming with emotion. Though she very well could have lost herself in them for much longer, he was worrying for no reason, so putting those nerves to rest was priority one.

“Yeah,” she assured him, managing a smile and squeezing his hand right back. “Of course, yes. Everything’s... Perfect. Sorry, keep going?”

“Hey. You know you can talk to me? About anything,” Hiccup murmured, brows knitted. “If something’s wrong, we can--I can--”

“No, hey.” Astrid shook her head and lifted her other hand to his cheek -- and when he learned into her touch, she felt her stomach whirl and her heart melt. “Hey, I’m okay. I was just… Thinking.”

Hiccup snorted. “You and I both know that ‘thinking’ doesn’t always entail the best of things. Really, what’s up?”

“It can wait, I promise. It’s not even a bad thing,” Astrid insisted. She lifted herself to her toes and pressed her lips to his cheek. “So, come on. Tell me about this project. You said you wanted my help?”

Gods, the grin that spread across his face… It was like looking at the sun. And that was a thought that was far more romantic and sappy than she was used to.

In a good way. In a _great_ way.

…

A map. Hiccup wanted to make a map, but not just any map -- a map of the Archipelago. And beyond.

He was right: it _was_ a huge undertaking. It was going to take time to chart out each island, time to get to each island -- just, time. Lots of it. If there was one thing that Astrid knew about Hiccup, though, it was the fact that his stubbornness, paired with his uncanny capacity for accomplishing these wild sorts of things, would always get him far.

Plus, he… He wanted her help. The way that he talked about the goal of the project with this glimmer in his eye? The way that he held her hand between bouts of emphatic gesticulating, the way that he beamed at her and got more excited with every word?

 _Oh_ , and the way he ecstatically kissed her after she agreed... Astrid couldn’t even think of turning him down, but the feeling of his arm looping around her waist and the slant of his lips against hers was enough to make her forget all that had been on her mind.

She quite liked kissing Hiccup, but Hiccup kissing _her_ was nothing short of just as breathtaking.

(Literally breathtaking -- when they started, she didn’t want to stop.)

* * *

Their first expedition was planned to happen exactly four days after Hiccup proposed his idea.

Between then and their departure, though, he pored over maps of Berk and the immediate islands and sea stacks surrounding it. Astrid would spend early hours of the morning and late hours of the night in the smithy with him, keeping him company and practicing her own cartography skills so that she could be well-equipped to help him in the field. They made a bit of a habit of stealing away at his desk and talking well into the evening until one of them was drowsy enough to fall asleep on the other’s shoulder.

Not that she minded.

It was the night before they slated their leave -- both of them already cleared things with their families and the rest of the gang, and though they’d gotten quite a few underbreath remarks about their quest being a guise for a couple’s getaway, that hadn’t stopped either of them from wanting to go. Asking the twins and Fishlegs and Snotlout to tag along was certainly on the table, but this first time around, it went unspoken that they wanted to start things off alone. Together? Alone together. Yes, that.

Much of their time had been spent in the forge, naturally. It was in the corner of his workspace that they had saddlebags packed with skins of drinking water, extra food, and all of the supplies that they could possibly need. That had been Astrid’s department, mostly; while Hiccup detailed his map (“our map,” he would always correct her) and planned a general route, she took to making the necessary preparations for their three-day journey.

Three days -- three days from Berk, three days alone, three days together.

Hiccup missed dinner that night. He failed to show up and claim his usual seat at their table between herself and Fishlegs, but she wasn’t worried. Just… Anxious to see him, anxious to leave. Fishlegs spoke animatedly about making sure that they recorded any information about any new dragons for him (he even trusted her some of his blank dragon cards, just in case!), the twins kept up with their usual gags and antics, Snotlout jumped in here and there -- everything was the same, save for Hiccup’s absence. Maybe she wasn’t worried, though she _was_ a tiny bit sad that he didn’t get to spend a little more time with everyone.

(No matter, she told herself. They wouldn’t be gone for too long.)

Astrid figured that he was probably at home having dinner with his father, if anything, although that didn’t stop her from snagging a helping of fresh bread and a hunk of cheese for him, just in case. Stormfly followed her out of the Great Hall and down the torch-lit paths of Berk, straight for their usual rendezvous point: the forge, of course. She walked astride the Deadly Nadder, food cradled in one arm while her other hand rested against her dragon’s chin. They’d need to sleep soon -- even if they wouldn’t be wings up until mid-morning, rest would be important.

It was just… With how excited she was, it was hard to think about sleep.

When they made it to the smithy, Toothless immediately picked up on their presence -- ah, so he _was_ there. He greeted them outside; Astrid provided a generous amount of scratches and pets before passing on the Night Fury’s attention to her own dragon, who promptly began to happily circle and trill at him. And, inside…

“Hey, there,” she greeted quietly, coming up behind Hiccup, who was seated at his workbench and focusing on the parchment rolled out in front of him. Astrid carefully unwrapped the linen bundle of bread and cheese at a corner of the table before sitting down, one hand on his shoulder. “Missed you at dinner, but you didn’t miss much. Things okay?”

Hiccup didn’t respond -- not immediately. There was a moment of silence between them, but Astrid didn’t mind. It gave her the chance to lean over and see what he was working on and how much progress he’s made. In the center of the map, there was Berk, and surrounding it were some other landmasses, and--

\--He set his hand, the one that he wasn’t drawing with, on her knee and Astrid’s cheeks flushed… With a smile on her face, she closed her hand over his and squeezed. As much as she wasn’t expecting the contact, it was still appreciated. In fact, it made her heart hum a little faster.

He’d been doing that lately. It was still new and weird and different, but she liked it.

“Hey, sorry. Evening, milady,” Hiccup eventually piped up, having set down the stick of charcoal he’d been working with. He straightened out his back and turned his gaze away from the parchment to face her instead, granting her a clear view of forest green eyes, a familiar smile, and that one particular freckle on his nose, all illuminated by the warm glow of a lantern. Hiccup was… Really, really cute. She figured that she just found that hard to see when she was too busy thinking about war. And maybe because her greasy bangs were once always in her eyes. “It’s--yeah, great. We’re pretty much set for tomorrow.”

Astrid issued his hand yet another squeeze. “It _looks_ great, too.” She looked back down to take in his work. “You did… Just, wow. Are those -- little dragons? You added little dragons!” Would he ever fail to surprise her with his attention to detail? Likely not; he was constantly surprising her in new ways, however small.

“I, yeah -- I figured that a tiny sketch of, uh, native species, would be a nice little detail? It’s a little bit more work, but I was thinking--”

“That it would be cool to have, just in case we run into anything new?” Astrid supplied, smiling gently.

“Yeah -- yeah, exactly,” he nodded. “Just in case.”

“Just in case,” she repeated, reluctantly moving her hand off of his to reach under the linen parcel she’d brought with her. Astrid set the card blanks in front of them. “Fishlegs gave me these for the same reason, so… Who knows. Maybe we’ll just might stumble across something new.”

“Maybe.” Hiccup agreed. Their eyes met and they shared a smile -- the kind of smile that made her feel like she was _special_ and _important_ and… And _loved._ They hadn’t said the L-word, not yet, but they’ve been dating for a while now and she didn’t really need to hear it to just, kind of know. Hiccup held her hand, properly this time. “Hey, Astrid?”

(...She would have to admit, though, that those three words had been getting stuck in her throat rather often nowadays, but the love was in everything else. It was in the way he would sharpen her axe for her when he just so happened to notice that she’s been too busy to do it herself. It was in the way that they’d save each other meals in the Great Hall if the other was running late. It was in the fleeting touches, the lingering glances, the soft smiles and gentle gazes cast over when they didn’t think the other was looking. Gods, help her.)

Astrid took a bit longer to respond to him, which made her feel a little guilty, but if she showed signs that something was on _her_ mind then he would drop his thoughts altogether to talk about her nonexistent problems. Stupid, stupid, selfless wonderful dragon boy who made her heart do stupid, stupid things. “I’m listening, always,” she reminded him. Just because he should know that she valued all that he said. “What is it?”

Hiccup passed his thumb over the ridges of her knuckles and took in a slow, almost concerning, breath. His exhale was heavy; she furrowed her brow. “I was just, thinking.”

“About?” Astrid wrinkled her nose. Sometimes, Hiccup was like an open book -- other times, he was a set of foreign runes, cast onto silk, only able to be read by an ancient soothsayer. On a whim, she played with the pitch of her voice and quoted, “You and I both know that ‘thinking’ doesn’t always entail the best of things. Really, what’s up?”

“Astriiid,” he warned. Hiccup tried to glare at her for her impression of him, but Astrid found it difficult to take him seriously when he was suddenly smiling at her like _that_ again.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it was too good to pass up,” she snickered. In a matter of seconds, though, she’s recomposing herself, clearing her throat and the serious atmosphere is back. Their smiles fell. “Tell me what you were thinking about.”

Hiccup took another very pointed breath.

“...A lot of things. You, us. The fact that you’re coming with me. The fact that,” he continued, “I haven’t thanked you. For any of it, or for supporting me, and, or… Yeah, you--you know. So, I -- just. Thank you, Astrid.”

(Gods, _gods._ Odin give her strength. This boy was going to be her absolute ruin. She was just poking fun and now he was thanking her? Saying her name like it was something divine? Okay, technically, in Old Norse it _was,_ but, ugh -- how could anyone be this sweet?)

Astrid was taken aback at first, of course -- what was there for him to thank her for? What had she done, other than what she thought he _deserved?_ Normally, when people said nice things to her, it was in the form of praise. ‘Good job with the throw,’ ‘good job with that maneuver’, good job with this or that and that. Whenever nice things came from Hiccup, though, it… It felt like something more. None of the things he said were the baseline ‘wow, Astrid!’s that she’s grown up with.

‘You’ve been working on that stunt with Stormfly for weeks, haven’t you? I can tell, it’s… Stunning. You guys really connect out there.’

‘Hey, sorry, I didn’t -- I didn’t mean to overstep, but I noticed that you’ve been thumbing your axe so I figured it was dull and I was going to sharpen it but, uh, it was chipped? Kinda really chipped. I went ahead and replaced the entire head but if that’s not okay I can go and put it back--‘

‘I heard that you were on evening patrol and I know that I’m not, like, training for the Guard or… Uh. Can we come with? Maybe? It’s been a while. I -- we missed flying with you. And by flying with you, I mean we miss beating you and Stormfly in races, hah -- but uh, no, really. Let us tag along?’

Her lips parted, ready to protest the fact that he felt like he needed to thank her for anything. At the same time, though… She understood. She always felt like she needed to thank him, too. For her, actions were more than enough, but words would do him some good and she knew it. There were some things that couldn’t be said with hugs and kisses and he needed to hear them.

Astrid bit her lip to stifle her growing smile (she was still flattered, of course) as she raised her hand to catch his cheek. “Well, thank _you,_ ” she responded, scooting closer on the bench and rubbing her thumb against his skin. “I don’t say it nearly enough, but I appreciate you, too. All of you, and everything you do. You do a lot, often without me or anybody else asking you to. Sometimes I can’t believe how big your heart is.”

Hiccup laughed weakly and leaned into her touch, as he usually did -- she could see the pink tint of his cheeks. Maybe he thought it was just flattery, but Astrid was speaking from deep inside of her soul. “He--ey, c’mon. The idea was for me to be grateful, not for you to turn the tables on me, and... And, this.”

“Mm. It’s what you deserve,” she grinned, leaning in enough so that their noses brushed. “You’re… You’re so important to me. And you’re amazing. You always are. Why wouldn’t I support you, Hiccup?”

Somehow, as those words escape her, she seemed to not realize that there was an obvious answer: because once upon a time, she didn’t. Astrid wasn’t there for him from day one and that was just a reality she had to face so that she could do better by him. And do better _for_ him.

He was… Quiet, only for a moment -- yet quiet all the same. Astrid couldn’t help but let her expression falter at the way his eyes drifted elsewhere. “I don’t know,” he admitted softly, and it hurt to hear, though she found a pinch of comfort in the fact that he didn’t pull away. In fact, he swung a leg over the bench so that he could face her properly. She followed suit, they edged closer, and while Astrid has both of her hands on either side of his face, Hiccup set his own on either side of her waist.

(Even wordlessly, it was so easy to get tangled up in all of him.)

“Sometimes,” he started, “I just think about how different things are. People went from wanting nothing to do with me to wanting to actually hear what I have to say, what I think, and… And it’s like -- if I mess up? If, if I do something _wrong_ or, I, can’t help but think that everyone will realize…”

His voice went tight. Astrid’s chest did the same.

As Hiccup trailed off, Astrid frantically searched for the right words. Normally, she probably would have felt giddy about being this close to him, about the casual intimacy of the way they were sitting, but this… He was hurting. From the way that he was talking about this, he sounded like he’s _been_ hurting. That much was painfully obvious -- emphasis on painful. It hurt her, too.

(Partially because she had been part of the people who caused him such strife and shaped his self-worth mentalities now, partially because she’s grown to care so intensely about him that she could somehow also feel anything that made him ache.)

“...And, well. I guess it just means a lot to me, that you want to come and entertain my… Shenanigans, wild tracks, whatever.” Another pause. “You--you _do_ want to come, right? You’re not just saying that you do because you feel bad?”

“Gods, no!” She exclaimed, not missing a beat. Astrid hated the idea of Hiccup thinking that all she was doing was taking pity on him, but no matter how vehemently she could deny it… She knew, deep down, that there would always be a tiny worry that she might not ever be able to extinguish. For so long, all he’s ever felt was scorn and pity and -- and that wasn’t just going to change overnight. No matter how much she wanted it to.

She took a breath and smoothed her thumbs over his cheeks. “Hiccup, _no._ I mean, ‘no’ as in I want to go -- I’m excited to go. I love the idea of mapping the world, almost as much as I love the idea of getting to do it together,” she assured him. “Also, it isn’t just ‘shenanigans’ if it’s important to you, and if it’s important to you, I want to help. I promise that I want this. I promise--“

It’s not the three words she was thinking of, but it was good enough, right? Same effect.

“--I promise that I want to be with _you._ ”

Astrid felt him tense a little and oh, how much warmer the forge suddenly was. Her cheeks were hot, her ears, the back of her neck -- it wasn’t like how much she liked Hiccup was a secret. The two of them were going on a several-day journey and the whole village basically knew about it, and even with how comfortable Hiccup had become with physical expressions of affection…

Maybe the whole village knew just how much she really cared about Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III.

Maybe the whole village… Except for him.

She would have to work on that -- starting now.

Though the mapping they were supposed to do was on paper, Astrid traced her fingertips over parts of his face. She coasted them over the apples of his cheeks, she moved a hand down and ran a digit over the short, silvery line of the scar on his chin, she even pushed some of his hair back and held it down so that she could see a bit more of his face.

Astrid bit her lip. “I wish I could say that I completely understand why you’re worried, only… I can’t. I can only ever hope to _try_ to fully comprehend how alone you felt. But I can still do my best to make sure that you know that, to be completely truthful?” She shook her head. “You’re not the one who should be saying thank you. It’s us -- it’s me.”

And she knows she’s right. They owed Hiccup for helping them all become better, and maybe he didn’t hear it nearly enough for it to actually take root in that stubborn head of his, but he was a revolutionary. Stoick wasn’t calling him the Pride of Berk for no reason -- Hiccup deserved to be acknowledged as someone great because that’s exactly what he was: _great._

Those were the other words that get stuck in her throat, alongside professions of how much he changed their lives (her life), comments about how remarkable he was, and much, much more of the praise that he deserved.

Right there, right with those three words.

...It was okay, though. She’d have plenty of time to tell him how much she and all the rest of Berk valued him in the future because, even if he worried, she wouldn’t be going anywhere.

Hiccup hadn’t said a word yet. A cursory glance up at his face showed her that he, too, was obviously flustered by her words. Astrid tried to play back what she said in her head to try and see if she said anything particularly concerning, but… His fingers flexed, his lips parted and closed a couple of times…

And then he murmured her name.

“...Astrid.”

Rather than having to snap her eyes up to meet his, she had to close them. In a matter of moments, all she could feel were his lips crashing against hers and one of his hands tenderly cupping her cheek with his thumb lined up with her jaw. Though her eyebrows shot up, the surprise disappeared from both her body and her features in a matter of moments. She felt herself melt into him… Completely, entirely, fully, _willingly._

And, when they pulled away, she couldn’t stop a laugh from bubbling past her lips. Astrid let their noses bump as she settled her hands on either of his shoulders--

“Thank you,” Hiccup mumbled, leaning forward so that he could sling his arms around her and press his face into the crook of her neck. “Thank you, Astrid, I… I--

She smiled and set a hand on the back of his head, fingers starting to comb through floppy auburn locks. Okay. _Okay. Okay, okay, okay._

“I love you, too,” Astrid responded, feeling her heart swell in her chest. “...But you need a haircut.”

“...Wh-- _Astr--!”_


End file.
